I have been seeking lately. Seeking the needs and the wants that I crave in my life.
Aspects and interests and desires that have moved from mere wants to become needs intrigue me. It’s envisioned by me like a fire…and flames are both a blessing and a curse. Fire can either save you or destroy you. The flames of passions and drive can fuel the momentum to fulfill your needs and bring to you what your life is clamoring for. But the fire can also slowly destroy you if it just simply burns and eats away at you, unquenched.
Not being able to actualize what we need to be whole and fulfilled is like a slow death. Worse still is being so consumed by the trivial, or the pressures and stresses , grief, depression, self-hate or even just apathy that you can’t even tell or feel what it is that you need. You just know that there’s a lacking. That something is not right. That there’s a burning for something. The something that you’re seeking.
That’s where I find myself right now. Feeling for some time now the flames slowly growing as I become more and more aware of what my needs are. Experiences that bring me not only joy, but a sense of ease and peace and home-coming for my spirit that fulfills me. The actualization of a path that is more what my Self needs to live wholly and fully. Knowing, and loving, that it is always going to be a moving path. Always a journey without a destination…because what my flames tell me is that I’m not looking for a finish line or a point of “I’m there”. What my flames speak to me is that the fluidity of change and growing and being expansive in my life IS my destination. That I’ll never reach a place of “there” and that not only is that ok, that is – with awareness – what drives me..and I love that and embrace that. These flames aren’t burning aimlessly though, they are stoking the engine to drive me.