A conversation today that was partly about decision making has me thinking. How it’s hard enough to make decisions when you know what you want and have to choose; but what about when you don’t even really know what it is you want?
I’ve been doing a lot of searching lately trying to decide what it is that feels right for me in a number of areas of my life. Something that keeps coming up for me is the indecisiveness that is prevalent. Grief and hurt that is a struggle again for me have me in that place of not trusting my own instincts. Of feeling my gut reaction and second guessing it again. So I do what I know is the prudent choice when I’m like this. I make the choice to not make a decision. Because in the end, that’s what I’ve learned is right for me.
There have been so many times that I was indecisive, that I just wasn’t sure… some part of me told me to just …wait. To not choose what I was leaning towards because some part of me was just not quite one hundred percent sure. So I would hold off. And you know what… every single time, there would be a point – usually not very long after – that I would be so glad that I hadn’t made the choice I was leaning towards…because it showed itself to be the wrong (or not best) choice.
So now when I find myself starting to beat myself up for being unable to make a decision I stop and really feel… is it that I can’t read my own “gut” or is it that my instinct is saying that the decision IS to be indecisive? And I trust. I trust that I will know when it feels “right”, whatever that may be.
There are some choices right now that are clear and action is in progress. For others, for now, I wait and I listen and I feel.