Thank you to the lies. You have taught me to be more mindful with where I place my trust.
Thank you to the pain. You have allowed me to see what I can endure.
Thank you to deception. You have shown me to question and to not just accept.
Thank you to the struggles. You have proven to me my ability to overcome.
Thank you to emptiness. You have made me appreciate when my heart and my arms are full.
Thank you to sadness. You have shown me the joy in simple happiness.
Thank you to grief. You have shown me to appreciate and be thankful for my life.
Thank you to loneliness. You have shown me how to love being alone.
Thank you to hatred. You have helped me learn to let go.
Thank you to my darkness. You have shown me how to love the depth of it as a part of me.
Thank you to the days that felt like they would never end because of the hurt. You have taught me to savour the days that go by too fast.
Thank you to the ugliness of life. You have allowed me to see the beauty that is life as well.
Taking one of those silly internet quizzes today and the questions came up “My friends would describe me as…” with a list of the usual options.
Now this is a bit of a trick question because it rides the edge of us picking what we think our friends think of us *or* we pick how we see ourselves under the guise of what we would want our friends to say.
This used to be a pretty simple thing for me to pick. I knew who and how and what I was and I was pretty much “what you see is what you get” and transparent to everyone so I knew what my friends would say *and* that matched how I saw myself. A no brainer really. Not now.
Now, I saw that question today in a silly online quiz and I got stuck. Stuck because of a couple of things. First and foremost came the voice in my head that stated that I have no friends that pop to mind that know me well enough to be able to answer that question. Not to mention the larger issue that I don’t even know the answer to it anymore. What qualities would my friends say most accurately describe me? What or who am I? I read over the list… loyal? great sense of humour? adventurous? caring and loving? daredevil? generous? What would “they” pick, what would I pick to describe myself?
All of the above, none of the above, things not mentioned? What’s more upsetting to me… that I don’t know me anymore or that I have so isolated and withdrawn myself that I don’t think anyone else does either? That’s the hardest question that came up from that silly little internet time waster.
And by the way, I’m most like a Pit Bull, just in case you were wondering… not too far off the mark probably.