A Glimpse of Zen, or, How My Mind Works During Yoga

this is going to be amazing, it’s been far too long since I’ve been one with myself, ahhhhhh

when WAS the last time I went to a yoga class?

should I have gone pee one more time?

why do I have to pee so much? maybe I should get that checked out? maybe I should make an appointment for the doctor? Oh, I need to make an appointment with the dentist too. Where’s my phone to make a note to remind myself… dammit. not here.

apparently it’s grade 5 in here. strawberry scented lip gloss. really?? nice to meet you mat neighbour. *slowly slides mat over, away from offending smell*

I’m going to leave my hair unbound and feel the freedom.

freedom of hair equals hair in nose and mouth and eyes. hair tie in. hair freedom is overrated.

how can just sitting and breathing be so uncomfortable – and so annoying.

yes, finally, time to get moving!

I can totally get into that pose. used to do it all the time. loved it. and…. nope.

oh, this one, yes, this one is soooo good. and….nope.

Bend, reach, turn, look and – oh you have got to be f*&%ing kidding me. only if you want to hear that work out loud and not censored. nope.

child’s pose is for quitters. I can hold downward dog for 8 breaths. yup. and… child’s pose it is.

have my knees always been this fat?

jump into forward bend, yes! ….or not. walking there is good too though.

I love the colour of this tank top. wait, when did my body turn into the michelin man. I am never wearing this top again. as a matter of fact, when did my body start to look like THIS? ok, do not look in the mirror. ever. it adds 25 pounds and 10 years apparently. 

fold forward, how freaking far away is the floor???

there are my feet, finally. I need a pedicure. badly.

I need to shave my legs. badly.

oh, sweetie is coming for the weekend. yes, legs need to be shaved.

grins…. ok, stop that train of thought. ahem, back to yoga.

yoga helps with flexibility… grins….STOP that train of thought!

how is it that I can only successfully grow a maximum of 3 nails on each hand at any given time? It’s like the universe has some sort of rule for my fingernails.

dammit I forgot to make a nail appointment. need to remember that when I get back to the office

did I log off my computer when I left? did I logout of facebook? what if I die here and someone has to go into my computer? hmmmm. is it just burnt toast when you’re having a stroke? or is it other smells? maybe that wasn’t her lip gloss,. maybe it was a stroke and I was smelling strawberries. Am I too young for a stroke? no… young people have strokes too. would I know if I was? maybe that pain in my shoulder isn’t the joint, maybe it’s warning sign of a heart attack???

shut up brain, you’re fine. breath. it’s yoga and zen time!

how long is an hour!!! isn’t this over yet?

I liked it better when I taught the Yoga classes. that way I got to do all the poses I liked…

finally, we’re laying down.

must. move. hair. tie. ouch.



not zen

how can I relax when I’m on a thin mat on a concrete floor with fans going??? no, I don’t feel the peaceful energy of the universe. I’m shivering and need to pee. again.

and done.

I should do this every week. or never again. either way.


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