I need
to say yes, instead of no, or another time, or maybe
to play, with laughter and giddiness and passion
to dance, to sway and bump and grind or stomp. dance.
to hurt. to feel the rawness and scream into it and dare it to try to hurt me even more.
to conquer and feel my own power.
to fly and soar and feel the freedom that I have.
to cry. and scream and rage and claw my way out.
to laugh. until it hurts. until my sides burn with stitches from it all and until I have tears in my eyes
to run. as fast and as hard as I can. without holding myself back or pacing myself
to feel. all of it. everything. even the feelings that I can’t name.
to not be afraid
to be afraid and do it all anyways
to love and not give a fuck if I’m risking being hurt
to reach and connect and touch people. because it terrifies me.
to remember my love for that. to feel that again.
to allow myself to be touched and seen. because it terrifies me.
to bleed. literally and figuratively. to feel that essence.
to consume
to be consumed
to know myself
to not hide from myself
to allow my shell to be pierced. to be exposed.
to love
to say yes to all of this.
to own all of this
to share and not give a fuck who thinks what
most of all
I need to admit that I need.
whisky sweet 