Sometimes the Universe teaches you a lesson. Over and over again until you finally learn it. Internalize it. See the lesson and understand it.
My life has been one diversion after another from the path that I saw for myself. Over and over again. Each time I was headed in one direction and got body slammed by the Universe – She is not subtle with me – I have careened for a while, eventually finding my footing and carrying on. Altered, and in a different direction, but always forward, nonetheless. There’s no other option, is there? Well, there is, but I haven’t chosen that exit yet.
So, I continue. And the Universe continues to throw diversions, and I, again and again, find my footing and keep going. Usually muttering curses under my breath (don’t want to piss Her off too much – you never know what’s around the next corner, after all) all the while. Grieving what was and also, even more deeply sometimes, what won’t be. The only constant is change – one of my least favourite sayings. Still, it’s true.
Today, while painting, I made a massive error in practicality and, while moving a painting from one side of my workspace to another, lifted it OVER another completed piece. I’m fairly certain that I was loud enough that my neighbours heard the eloquent string of curse words that flowed so rapturously from my lips. Needless to say, I was not happy with the fact that my beautiful, complete painting that I had worked so hard to get just right was now dabbed with glaring mistakes. Of my own stupidity. I should have known better than to try that. As I stared at what I perceived as a ruined piece, I berated myself for my lack of judgement. I cursed that it was no longer what I had worked so hard to create. I glared at it and was so angry that it wasn’t what I wanted it to be; that it hadn’t turned out how I planned – and worked – for it to in the end.
Then I stopped. I had put down the other painting by now and taken a sip of my tequila in an attempt to soothe my rage (yes, rage, it’s been a rough day and painting was supposed to help me chill the f&*% out, not infuriate me).
I stepped back, looked at it with a bit more space between me and it, and it struck me that, while it was definitely NOT what I wanted, it was maybe, just maybe, salvageable. As I looked at it from different angles, I could see that it had a certain appeal with the added colour. I’m not going to go so far as to say it was better, but it wasn’t ruined – maybe. So, placing down my shot glass, I gathered my wits, found my footing (and some painting tools) and got to work trying to see what I could make of the disaster that had been dropped in my lap. I let go of what it was and embraced what it could become.
I must say, I’m pleased with the resulting piece. Do I look at it and see what I wanted it to be – what it isn’t, and what it won’t be? Yes. I always will, and that’s not a bad thing if I can also appreciate what it did turn out to be – something different, but still beautiful in its own way – and I do.
We’ll chalk this one up as a win for You, Universe. Lesson heard and understood.