Rage

I stand at the edge of the ocean,
the waves are quiet and small in the dimming light.
the wind blows through my hair as i close my eyes,
and turn my face to the setting sun.
my hands are clenched into fists,
I try to relax, 
I am praying
wishing
begging
for the wind to blow my rage away.
 
breathing deeply
willing myself into silence
when all i want is to scream 
until i am hoarse
until my voice breaks
from the force of it ripping the anger out of my soul
 
but i breathe
silent
shaking
consumed with fury
 
hatred at all that is pulses,
vileness courses through every
part of my being,
right now, 
in this second.
a second that repeats with demonic speed.
 
i scream in my mind at the 
fire that has been dead for so long
but tonight
it has roared to life
sparked by who knows what
but it’s there.
  
i stand and shake 
as the wind
blows through my hair
and i embody the turmoil
that lurks below,
invisible to the passersby.

i am bitterness incarnate tonight
i scream silently for my heart
my soul
my mind
my body
to stop
to release.
 
i shiver as the sun sets,
leaving a coldness 
that goes far deeper than the surface of my skin.
leaving a darkness  
so familiar that it
envelopes me seamlessly.
 
I take a deep drag of my cigarette,
 
exhale,
 
and walk away,
 
seething.